Sunday, 14 August 2016

SUNDAY THOUGHTS / ANXIETY AND ME


Anxiety has affected me since I can remember, it's been right beside me since my teens and I've blissfully tried to accept it. What I do know is that It's anxiety that plays it's part in most of the decisions I face day to day. It's anxiety that stops me taking photographs of my makeup for a blog post, even though I've spent hours perfecting it. Or it's the outfit I'll buy and plan specifically for a post yet I can't get in front of the camera, or even drag myself out of bed. It dawned on me the other day that I haven't even properly introduced myself in the blogging world, how crazy is that! I wanted to create a post like this because anxiety is very real and it's something I feel like people need to have a better understanding of.

A few years ago, I became aware that the circle of friends I grew up with weren't the type of friends I wanted to keep, so I distanced myself and eventually cut all contact, thinking I would be happier on my own. However, it left me completely disconnected and aware of my anxiety more than ever. It's left me constantly doubting myself and my ability to hold relationships. I could be meeting somebody for the first time and seem completely fine yet my head is spilling with thoughts like "Am I being weird?", "Do I seem miserable?" "Why did you just say that!" and it's a constant battle leaving me uncomfortable and doubtful.

My anxiety really hit it's peak when I began university, in my head it was going to be a complete fresh start for me, nobody knew me or my problems and it's a brand new chance to make some genuine friends and ignore my anxiety. I was focusing on this so much that I managed to forget how hugely overwhelming the whole process was going to be. Leaving my town along with all of my comforts and diving head first into something completely alien was a huge learning curve. My first lecture was the first time I experienced a panic attack, I had a huge sense of dread and my whole body felt weak and faint, I was completely adamant it wasn't my anxiety and that I was actually poorly because it was so new to me. After hospital visits and everything coming back clear, it began to make sense to me that I was experiencing these episodes whenever I felt anxious.

an illustration depicting anxiety by gemma correll - source here


Since I now know how anxiety affects me and how it's triggered I've learnt to manage them and deal with it on my own. Don't get me wrong, it's awful having that initial "Shit, I'm gonna faint, I'm gonna faint" sweating panic, especially when I'm in a busy place or surrounded by new people you don't want to make a fool in front of. University can be really quite terrifying, I still struggle speaking to my lecturers and asking questions.. (believe it or not, I have to interview strangers on my course.. imagine!)

Since learning about anxiety and realising I wasn't just going completely insane or thinking I had some deadly undetectable illness, I've learnt to live with it. My boyfriend has been an absolute rock in the process and although I'm 100% positive he still doesn't really get why I get so upset or anxious of myself, he copes. This is why I wanted to write this post today because it's so important to speak out. Don't get me wrong, I literally haven't even spoke about my anxiety with my parents (and ironically it's probably anxiety stopping me from doing so). I've wanted to go to the doctors and speak to someone about it too, but I cancel every appointment I make, which I'm sure is down to my anxiety. But having someone that can reassure your doubts if you're going through a bad patch, whether it's even a fellow blogger like me is the best advice I can give. The second is to not be afraid, there's been times this year where I really kick myself at university because I've been so afraid to speak out I really struggled. My own personal goals for this year is to get my voice out, take a moment to stop worrying about the little things and start kicking anxiety in the bum.



It's definitely not a walk in the park, I can completely come out of my shell and be myself most days, then the following day I can have so much motivation but can't bring myself to even get out of bed. It's a steady paced battle that one day I'll hopefully get a firm grip on. I really hope this post has been useful and hasn't led any of my followers astray as blogging is a huge platform and for me to be able to raise awareness for anxiety and share my own experiences is really lovely. Thanks for reading.

Things I've personally found useful:
The app 7 Cups which connects you to someone willing to listen at all times.
The book Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson.
Meditation, cliché but it works surprisingly well for me.
Making some TLC for myself, preferably with a new book, pjs and a green tea.
Writing down my worries, creating a diary for myself really helped me understand what was getting me so anxious, which is a must if you don't discuss it with anybody.
Hugging my dog.

22 comments :

  1. Meditation works well for me too, it's a great way to have a clear mind.
    Should definitely check the 7 Cups app.

    Marilyn x
    marilynnassar.wordpress.com

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  2. I suffer from Anxiety too and this is how I would describe it too. I find that meditation, deep breathing and taking yourself out somewhere to get away from it all helps and I'm also collecting crystals which seems to help me too just staring at the beautiful crystals calms me :) x

    www.shanylou.co.uk

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    Replies
    1. Ah that sounds interesting! I might look into that, thanks Shannon! Xxx

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  3. Anxiety is issue for me too!
    Very interesting post, darling!
    Thanks!

    ***

    ::: FURORE ::: | Facebook

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  4. I can't say I've ever suffered from anxiety, although I am a very stress person. So, even though I can't completely empathise as I've never been through it, this was a very interesting read.

    You should be so proud of everything you've achieved, uni is scary enough without anxiety! Keep doing what you're doing girl, you're winning the fight.

    Bethany | Curly and Wordy

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  5. You are so brave to have wrote this and it's an interesting read! I suffer with anxiety too, so you're absolutely not alone at all. When I went through a really bad case of anxiety after a break up, where I was literally having panic attacks most of the day, I found the 7 cups app so useful. It's not only reassuring to have someone to talk to, but it's also a distraction from how you feel too xx

    Lauren | itslaurenvictoria.blogspot.co.uk

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  6. I can understand what you say and I feel we have shared some of the same experiences, I suffer from it too, I couldn't even order a pizza by telephone because I was scared of what the person on the other side was goingo to think about me. College was big trigger and I also had my first panic attack during a lecture and whenever I couldn't stand it anymore I would go to see a doctor, yet I would never show up again. Ending an abussive relationship has really diminished my anxiety, I still feel self conscious, yet my life has improved greatly. I think most people suffer from different levels of anxiety but we are scared of saying it, you are so brave for being able to speak about it and reaching to people that need to know they are not the only ones suffering from it, that they are not alone in this and that need to know there is a way to control it, even if it's different for everyone. Beautiful post, darling, I hope nothing but the best for you!

    Cy | Dulce de Mango

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad you're out of that relationship and on the way to better things, thank you so much for your kind words Cy! Xxx

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  7. This is so inspiring! I love the post:)

    irenethayer.com

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  8. I felt my heart pang a little when reading this because some of the things you wrote felt like they came from my life - the whole friends thing is something I can fully relate to. I'm definitely going to try some of your suggestions and if you need a randomer who understands to talk things out with, feel free to get in contact!

    www.Barely There Beauty.com | British Beauty & Lifestyle blog

    xx

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    1. Definitely, same to you! Thank you Jennifer xxx

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  9. I struggle with anxiety and panic attacks so I complete understand where you're coming from. I'm getting a new kitten soon so I'm hoping the little fluff ball will help keep the anxiety down.
    xx Dany | The Queens Empire

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  10. My anxiety is usually worse when I'm feel more self conscious than usual (e.g. right now, I have 3 proper 'teenage' spots and I literally feel like I've got full so severe acne) and also when I have to talk and be social with new people.
    One thing I've found is that as soon as I start to feel sick, any sound around me is heard muffled and I start to feel dizzy, I know I'm about to faint. I can stop myself from fainting, but I literally have to lie down on the floor wherever I am. I can't walk without fainting at that point!
    Aleeha xXx
    http://www.halesaaw.com/

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  11. anxiety is such a poop and so many people deal with it. my anxiety is all based around uni which is horrible and makes everything so much harder for me. i hope it gets better when i graduate.


    loovelle.blogspot.com

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  12. This is such a heartfelt post, hun, thank you for sharing your experiences. :) I find that writing things down really helps me, too. It helps to channel that 'noise' I have running through my mind sometimes. Glad you're doing better now. <3

    Kay
    http://www.shoesandglitter.com/

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  13. I don't think meditation works for me very well, but everyone's different! Glad to know it works for you!

    7% Solution

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